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Its been an emotional weekend. No matter how old we get one is never prepared for the illness of a parent. This weekend spending time with my Dad, who has ALS I found myself having to be the strong one for him. Helping him get up, helping him walk, helping him speak....This man who can do no wrong in my eyes.
He is struggling to hold on to his independence...independence that we all take for granted. Mixed emotions from being worried, sad, and just down right angry that this is happening to him. Happening to this Man whom I have looked up to all my life, this man who has always been there to lean on, this man who I used to dance on his feet, this Man who can do no wrong in my eyes.
I just hope he knows how much I love him. The illness does not define him, he is still this man who is strong, wise, spiritual, loved...and the same man who can do no wrong in my eyes.
Tell the ones you love just how much you love them. If this illness has taught me anything its not to take your loved ones for granted. Say it and say it often.....
Monday, April 19, 2010
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Friday, April 16, 2010
Monday, November 16, 2009
alive....to Love
I was reminded the other day through a smile at work about unconditional love...love without expectations... without limits.... without insecurities. I have always been a believer in loving what you do no matter what it is....if you love it you will succeed at it. I think lately I have lost sight of that. I love working with children however my new position has been stressful and overwhelming and most days I go to work wishing I could stay home in bed. I love taking pictures and lately Ive been worried about taking to photos to get the bills paid rather than enjoying the moment of creating beautiful memories through my photos like I did when I picked up my camera 14 years ago. My family is important but lately I have kept to my self because I don't always have the right words to say and don't want them to worry about me. And most importantly I love being a Mom...lately I am finding it hard to leave the stresses of the day at the door and just enjoy the time with my son.
It is time to change....people talk about the light bulb moment...the moment when they wake up a realize what they want for their lives and the changes that need to be made. I have had mine...not exactly sure what brought it on could be someone tearing me down with words for the last time. I have spent the last few years trying so hard to please others and keep my heart protected that I just have been cheating myself. I have been so afraid to fail that I have just been failing myself at a life full of love, hope and the enjoyment of taking chances that do come with risks....but also come with pleasure and forgiveness.
I am going to embrace my new job even though it is stressful and I am underpaid...I get to rock babies in my arms and am told I love you Ms. Cyndi everyday. I am going to use my camera to relieve the stresses of the day and become better at what I love doing.... everyone needs a passion in their lives that expresses who they are. I am going to share my life with my family because life is too short not too. I am going to leave work at the door and enjoy my son even though raising a teenager can drive a sane person crazy...I only have 4 years left till he is 18 and I plan to embrace every moment. I am going to believe in love again ...unconditional love...love without limits...love without expectations...without insecurities....
Love with God at the center of it....
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Carter Cash
Happy First Birthday Cater Cash!
Finally starting to get caught up on photos...I hope to someday soon have the time to explore my photography and build my passion through new experiences, new people and new equipment. I have so much I want to do.
These were some candid shots from Cash's first birthday....candid shots are my favorite.
click here to view the complete day http://cashsfirstbirthday.blogspot.com/
Finally starting to get caught up on photos...I hope to someday soon have the time to explore my photography and build my passion through new experiences, new people and new equipment. I have so much I want to do.
These were some candid shots from Cash's first birthday....candid shots are my favorite.
click here to view the complete day http://cashsfirstbirthday.blogspot.com/
Monday, June 22, 2009
Fathers Day
The Strongest Man I Know
I remember dancing around in circles as my dad played his guitar, standing on his feet as we danced together, the way he would whistle when he cooked and put lots of love into his meals (even if sometimes he made it up as he went along).... In my eyes there was no Daddy stronger than my daddy.
I remember growing up, as a teenager trying to gain more independence it was harder for him to relate to me and understand the thought of letting go of his little girl. I was making mistakes, wearing strange outfits and his worst nightmare boys were on my mind. But he loved me despite the disapointments, despite the hairspray and as for the boys....he was still the most important guy in my life.
I remember having my son, he was there too...back and forth to the hospital as I was throwing up and in pain. I could see him trying to be strong, trying to be brave for me, but by the tenth cigeratte I could tell that this was hurting him too. As the moments got closer to the birth of his first grandson I cried in pain as my mom held my hand and my Dad as strong and brave as he is just could not watch his little girl hurting. Still I could feel his strentgh and love and knew he was always a few steps away.
I remember now not just Dad but now PaPa to a beautiful little boy...he would sing with his guitar as my boy played instruments along with him it was the best concert I have ever been to! He would make good meals again full of love and whistle while he cooked. They would take walks together and come back with rocks, sticks, and of course the biggest ice cream all over my babys face. Now not only the greastest dad but now the grestest Papa!
I remember him walking me down the isle on my wedding day (i know a bit out of order but God sent the baby early). He took a deep breath before we walked down the path and as we came to a crossway he whispered "it not too late we can go the other way". We smiled and I began to cry we walked down the isle and he gave me away. This time we danced and I was not standing on his feet.
Now my Dad is a bit older and some days he doesnt have the words to express just what he wants to say. He walks a bit slower, he doesnt sing like he used too, and we havent danced together in years. Still in my eyes my Dad can do no wrong. I even here my voice get just a little softer when I speak to him and I know no matter what he will always be the strongest man I know.
I remember dancing around in circles as my dad played his guitar, standing on his feet as we danced together, the way he would whistle when he cooked and put lots of love into his meals (even if sometimes he made it up as he went along).... In my eyes there was no Daddy stronger than my daddy.
I remember growing up, as a teenager trying to gain more independence it was harder for him to relate to me and understand the thought of letting go of his little girl. I was making mistakes, wearing strange outfits and his worst nightmare boys were on my mind. But he loved me despite the disapointments, despite the hairspray and as for the boys....he was still the most important guy in my life.
I remember having my son, he was there too...back and forth to the hospital as I was throwing up and in pain. I could see him trying to be strong, trying to be brave for me, but by the tenth cigeratte I could tell that this was hurting him too. As the moments got closer to the birth of his first grandson I cried in pain as my mom held my hand and my Dad as strong and brave as he is just could not watch his little girl hurting. Still I could feel his strentgh and love and knew he was always a few steps away.
I remember now not just Dad but now PaPa to a beautiful little boy...he would sing with his guitar as my boy played instruments along with him it was the best concert I have ever been to! He would make good meals again full of love and whistle while he cooked. They would take walks together and come back with rocks, sticks, and of course the biggest ice cream all over my babys face. Now not only the greastest dad but now the grestest Papa!
I remember him walking me down the isle on my wedding day (i know a bit out of order but God sent the baby early). He took a deep breath before we walked down the path and as we came to a crossway he whispered "it not too late we can go the other way". We smiled and I began to cry we walked down the isle and he gave me away. This time we danced and I was not standing on his feet.
Now my Dad is a bit older and some days he doesnt have the words to express just what he wants to say. He walks a bit slower, he doesnt sing like he used too, and we havent danced together in years. Still in my eyes my Dad can do no wrong. I even here my voice get just a little softer when I speak to him and I know no matter what he will always be the strongest man I know.
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